Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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