Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
