yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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