dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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