She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
