i think i have two assholes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize