so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
