So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
