you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
