please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
