Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
