Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
