either way he was missing a nipple.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
and you fell through a lawn chair
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
