New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
