Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
