my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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