Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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