At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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