Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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