I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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