Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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