I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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