You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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