We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
