she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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