Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize