mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a hot homeless man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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