I am puke
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi