don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"