I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying