glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You've changed since you got that strap on
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
