Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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