I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
