the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
