Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you have feelings for this penis?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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