dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
