I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i came on her dog
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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