So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
