legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize