I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
