I love black thongs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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