Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
