You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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