he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
