forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
