I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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