I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
