he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
