Someone shit on the floor
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
