Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
