I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
