There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
