six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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