12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
