I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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