Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
