he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Farmville is her only friend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
