he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They took my balls.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ladies don't puke and tell
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
