The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
