It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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