Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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