So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
