Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
