Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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