trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
