I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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