I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
